Just in time for St. Patrick’s Day, the gold goblin of previous T-shirt and #PatchoftheMonth fame returns. He’s slinging his own brand of luck and causing mayhem within our emails and on GovX, dishing out perks and dropping prices left and right.
Needless to say, we’re powerless to stop him. So while you prepare to benefit from all his shenanigans, here’s a quick primer on the plucky, pint-sized bastard.
- He was first seen sometime around 1921 in South Boston. His first words were something about being religiously exempt from prohibition laws.
- He doesn’t believe in rainbows. He found his gold years ago after a 3-day bender at the bottom of a Chick-Fil-A dumpster.
- He’s been known to re-watch THE FUGITIVE annually solely for the St. Patrick’s Day parade scene.
- He once fought the actor Warwick Davis to a standstill (though he’ll tell you he won easy).
- Last St. Patrick’s Day, he ate his weight in corned beef and cabbage.
- Both the Boston Celtics and Notre Dame Fightin’ Irish logos are based on his visage.
- Uses a literal potato as a cellphone.
- Co-owner and operator of the Lucky Strike bowling alley franchise.
- Refuses to drink a Black and Tan out of principle.
- Doesn’t care who wins the World Cup so long as England loses.
- Carries a switchblade into battle. Calls it his lucky charm.
- If you touch his hat or his beer, he’ll silently strategize a multi-year revenge plot that involves two fake passports, a bar of soap, a donkey, and a half a gallon of phosphorus acid.
- He fights for what’s right. And chooses his wars and words carefully (though he can be hard to understand).
Got all that? Good. Something tells us we’re in store for another Irish goodbye.